The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
