I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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