omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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