Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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