Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
