FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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