we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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