Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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