did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
