Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
