yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
