So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
