I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
