Im at strip club and am horny
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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