my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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