Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
