she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
