Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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