I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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