3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is it because I queefed?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
