Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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