so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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