I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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