I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
