well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
