Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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