So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
