I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
