I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
