I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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