My first STD was from a foam party
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
