So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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