This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
