i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
