a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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