it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
