Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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