My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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