You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
