her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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