I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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