If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
