once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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