ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
