We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
