Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up under a house in Key West
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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