dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
do herpes really smell.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
