I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
