I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
