"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
