Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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