Non-Jews are for practice
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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