She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
