Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
