none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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