halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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