why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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